Catfish Broke My Husband

Catfish crew hard at work on John’s Birthday (that he unsuccessfully tried to keep secret).

Behind-the scenes production on MTV’s new reality show, Catfish, starring Nev Schulman and Max Joseph, was an all-encompassing, emotionally draining, huge-hearted adventure of intimacy, vulnerability and love. Or as I like to call it, one big Testosterone Festival. My husband, John, was the Director of Photography, and had way too much fun.

I don’t know what it was about Nev and Max, and John’s HOR, (Husband on the Road) Executive Producer David Metzler, that turned John into an uncouth, boorish teenager. I’m thinking the grueling schedule spent working together through the summer must have led to DBS (Deadly Buildup of Sperm). Or as the penis-less call it, Don’t Be Stupid.

I can’t order a deli sandwich with a dill pickle without it turning into a sexually charged situation. That’s what she said is so 2000-never. (I didn’t even bother to ask for help to caulk the shower.) John came home with some cockamamie (Oh my gosh, now I’m doing it) fist bump, with a sound effect *bleep* thumbs-up that just needs to stop. (He blames Nev.) He also seems to think he can say something ridiculous, honk my boobs, then add, “M’lady,” as if that makes everything charming. It does not.

I can only imagine what those poor guys, Nev and Max and David had to put up with, to say nothing of the rest of the crew. For the women on the mission, please accept my deepest apologies and know that John was not born in a barn.

Catfish premiers on MTV MONDAY, NOVEMBER 12 AT 11:00 P.M.
Cat·fish [kat-fish] noun — a person who pretends to be someone they’re not,
using social media to create a false identity, particularly to pursue deceitful online romances.

2 thoughts on “Catfish Broke My Husband

  1. Thanks for letting me know ‘that’s what she said’ is over. I’ll pass the news along to my wife, who still uses it waaay too often. Perhaps I’ll foward this to her. It might be beneficial for her to be aware of the dangerous effects of DBS. I guess now that I’ve commented on it, DBS becomes the latter meaning, right? Good luck ‘fixing’ your husband!

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