One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war. I was a thumb sucker. I remember the trouble I was in when my mom busted me trying to wash off the toxic goo she had painted on to try to break my habit. I enjoy building the steeple to open the doors and see all the people, and I don’t hear my phone complaining when I whip out long-winded thumb-driven messages.
I don’t mean to go all Thumbelina here, but who started the rumor that flexible thumbs that stretch backwards are an indication of creativity? Stephen Colbert looks like he has creative thumbs.
Oh, get off your high, hitchhiking horses. Those curved, right-angled bendy thumbs are merely a fluke-o-nature genetic trait. But, did you know the straighter the thumb, the more honest, lovable, and wealthy the individual, according to IMTU (I Made That Up)?
I straight out thumb my nose at those curvy digits. And don’t even get me started on the supposed sexual superiority of the extra-long second toe.
How about you? Thumbs up or thumbs down?