Name Dropping

I have met (in name only!) a wonderful group of women in my spam folder:

There’s Vera Yanez . . . I imagine her love for big boobs (#barkingupthewrongtree) makes her quite a fun character.

As for Mignon Kallenburger, her expertise in the pharmaceutical industry by day, (complete with white coat, and of course hair done up in a chignon, right?) surely leaves plenty of time for exciting exploits by night.

Margrett Giralomo, Gilma Fuhriman, and Keira Trombley, could all be best friends, n’est-ce pas? As for Fallon Zollicoffer, I think she is in a class all by herself . . . maybe living in Napa Valley, definitely drinking Cabernet.

A big thank you to these ladies for reaching out. And if any writers are stumped for character names, you’re welcome!

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Neither Pretty Nor Profound

I don’t know why I like to write.
I say stupid things.
I do embarrassing things.
I cheat in yoga.
I drink a lot of coffee.
My bra and underwear don’t match.
I may slightly exaggerate situations to make myself look better.
Eleanor Brown’s reasons for why she writes is an Ode to Awesomeness, an iambic pentameter of epic proportions, a pretty, profound, pied piper potpourri of prose, containing secrets of the universe, including the key to writerly wisdom . . .

I am one flawed human being.

Eleanor Brown and Sarah Pekkanen, I Ain’t..

With homage to two of my favorite authors, Eleanor Brown and Sarah Pekkanen, who are so gracious and eloquent, and always say just the right thing; I am eternally impressed (read: jealous) by the inspiration they share with their readers.

To that end, I thought I’d try to reach out, craft words of wisdom and “exercise” one of my demons with some uplifting tips. Where did I go wrong?

Work-Out FundaMENTALs:

  • If you do not understand what DO NOT USE YOUR CELL PHONE means, (you know, that giant sign posted on the easel you have to walk around to enter the gym) please ask for help.
  • DO NOT blow your nose into the neck of your t-shirt that you are currently wearing.
  • If you must do Tai Chi, please DO NOT do it on the treadmill next to me.
  • There is no such thing as calling SAFETY on work-out equipment. (That only works in your your own home, with SECOND-GRADERS.)
  • Subsection IV: DO NOT leave your trash behind, this includes but is not limited to used towels, gum wrappers, gum, kleenex (really?!), bandaids (are you kidding me?), newspapers, cups, bottles, Q-TIPS??!!
  • DO NOT prop up the the hairdryer in the locker room to blow dry your underpants.

Sigh. There is a cinnamon Pop-Tart at home with my name on it that I plan on eating (outside edges first) while reading what Eleanor and Sarah are up to. So help me, if they are doing a charity 5K for the underprivileged, I will scream.