Dialogues With The Devil (Conversation With A Literary Agent: Selling Your Soul)

Layout 1Me: “It is (“air quotes”) ‘a warm, witty’ novel; friends-on-an-adventure facing insurmountable odds.”

Devil: “Is there an alien in it?”

Me: “Yes, but . . . “

Devil: “Science Fiction.”

Me: “No, but . . . “

Devil: “No Sci-Fi for me.”

Me: “Me neither . . .”

Devil: (Recorded message) “Thank you for considering Us for submission of your manuscript. ’Twill be a frigid day, yada, yada . . .”

Me: “It’s not Science Fiction! Not that there’s anything wrong with that . . .”

Devil: Cloven hoof tapping impatiently.

Me: “Think of it as a coming-of- (voice lowers to whisper) space- (louder) age story!”

Devil: “SF.”

Me: “No, not at all! Geez. I do not write erotica. I wish I could. I mean there is romance in there, and a few NSFW scenes that while gratuitous, certainly do serve to move the story along.”

Devil: “Fantasy.”

Me:  (Considering) “Maybe.”

Devil: Static on line. Rustling sounds. “Crackle, living, fantasy, world.”

Me: “Hey, now. That whole sci-fi fantasy world doesn’t have to be riddled with monsters, or zombies or vampires, or Woolite®-sponsored underground silo sagas. Hugh Howie would love Ros. search

Me: “Hello? Are you still there?”

Ros was taped before a live studio audience. For a transcript of the show, please visit Ros. And is it just me, or has anyone else wondered about that dystopian Woolite® tag line, “No clothes left behind.”

Mr. Howey, Woolite® called and wants its unmentionables back.