Kick-Ass Bios

Bios are b-o-r-i-n-g. Unless it’s your own, and then tweaking it is like getting to second base, with yourself. When I eavesdropped on a friend of mine who said he didn’t like my bio, he quickly recovered with a song and dance about how wonderful I am. My feelings weren’t hurt (much!); I really wanted to know how to make it better.

Here is a crazy good getting-to-know you video bio – not a boring frame to be found, from the co-star of MTV’s new show, Catfish:

Max Joseph, Catfish

So how to translate that to an official bio? While it wouldn’t hurt to be an award-winning film director and star, don’t be afraid to make an ass of yourself, because you are. I know you are but what am I?


DEE DeTARSIO is considering a nom de plume, believing that Delilah could come up with better steamy scenes.


Catfish Broke My Husband

Catfish crew hard at work on John’s Birthday (that he unsuccessfully tried to keep secret).

Behind-the scenes production on MTV’s new reality show, Catfish, starring Nev Schulman and Max Joseph, was an all-encompassing, emotionally draining, huge-hearted adventure of intimacy, vulnerability and love. Or as I like to call it, one big Testosterone Festival. My husband, John, was the Director of Photography, and had way too much fun.

I don’t know what it was about Nev and Max, and John’s HOR, (Husband on the Road) Executive Producer David Metzler, that turned John into an uncouth, boorish teenager. I’m thinking the grueling schedule spent working together through the summer must have led to DBS (Deadly Buildup of Sperm). Or as the penis-less call it, Don’t Be Stupid.

I can’t order a deli sandwich with a dill pickle without it turning into a sexually charged situation. That’s what she said is so 2000-never. (I didn’t even bother to ask for help to caulk the shower.) John came home with some cockamamie (Oh my gosh, now I’m doing it) fist bump, with a sound effect *bleep* thumbs-up that just needs to stop. (He blames Nev.) He also seems to think he can say something ridiculous, honk my boobs, then add, “M’lady,” as if that makes everything charming. It does not.

I can only imagine what those poor guys, Nev and Max and David had to put up with, to say nothing of the rest of the crew. For the women on the mission, please accept my deepest apologies and know that John was not born in a barn.

Catfish premiers on MTV MONDAY, NOVEMBER 12 AT 11:00 P.M.
Cat·fish [kat-fish] noun — a person who pretends to be someone they’re not,
using social media to create a false identity, particularly to pursue deceitful online romances.